Lee Hollis

Vorbemerkung: Lee (SPERMBIRDS, STEAKKNIFE, 2BAD) postete vor einigen Monaten auf Facebook in einer Art Tagebuch, wie er seine Küche aufbaute: „Behind the (kitchen) scenes...“

Warum sollte man seine Küche selbst einbauen?

There are a few reasons why you should build your kitchen yourself. For one, the companionship of good friends. I read somewhere that asking people for help actually makes you more sympathetic to the people you’re asking. I’m not sure how that works or if it’s even true, but if you don’t have any friends, try asking a few complete strangers if you can borrow their power-tools. Then their power. Then between 500 and 4.000 Euros, depending on how much kitchen you want to build.

Because we’re talking about an entire kitchen, I would suggest that your new friends be really big strangers, if possible strangers with prison tattoos. I read somewhere else that generally, acting like a dick will make you more popular with your new friends (Alpha-Dick or some similar sounding shit). So instead of asking, try demanding that they build your kitchen for you. „Hey, you! Yeah you, up there!“ (remember: big strangers!) „Build me a fucking kitchen and then cook me a steak! Rare!! But first, go buy me a six-pack and some Meth! Now!“

And before you know it, you’ll have a new kitchen, new friends and a fairly expensive Methamphetamine addiction. But that won’t be a problem because you’re an Alpha-Dick with friends and all of their friendly money. I also read somewhere (I read a lot) that everything else I read was total horse shit and if you try to build friendships and kitchens as described, you may not need a kitchen at all. What does a guy with a broken jaw and no teeth eat anyway? Next step: building a hospital emergency room. First, get to know a few rugby players ...